Hey there! How have you been? I try to talk to you every day, but it's been awhile since I feel like I've heard from you. I know, you're busy. Very important job you have. I just kind of wondered though, if you got my message last night, or any of those other nights?
I've heard the whole "you never give us anything we can't handle" routine. Can I just tell you I can't handle any more? Is there a form I need to fill out? Do you have a customer service department that handles complaints? Please tell me what I need to do; I really need some of this stuff lifted off of me.
That "Footprints" poem has always been one of my favorites. I know a lot of folks think it's hokey, but I've always liked it. I have to tell you, I don't really feel carried right now. I feel like you've dropped me in a big pile of shit. And you're standing there laughing at me. WTF?
Isn't there someone else's life you could drop some crap into? I'm sure there is some evil child molester out there who could use a good car accident. What about that Bin Ladin guy? Can't you send some rain on his parade instead of mine? I mean, really, what did we do to deserve all of this?
I am truly thankful that no one was injured last night. I've been telling myself how lucky we were all day. But I'd really like to know that our neighbors aren't going to sue us and we aren't going to lose our home, though. Can you at least tell me that?
I know, I'm blaming you for things that are not your fault. In my head, I know you don't "zap" people for fun. You're there to support us. I know there are people going through a lot worse crap than what I am, too. My piddly little problems don't seem like much to you. I just don't feel very supported, God. If you can't fix any of this, then show me how to.
Okay, well. I've taken up enough of your time. I'll let you get back to whatever it is you do all day. Please give me a call soon. I'd really love to hear from you.
Thanks or Amen.
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Isn't it irritating when you don't get that quick reply that you want from God? I've been leaving messages for a while. I think His voice mailbox is broken or something.
ReplyDeleteI'm not God, but I am here if you want to talk or rant or scream or cry or whatever. Sometimes you just need someone to listen.
I have also adopted chanting "It'll be okay" over and over. Somehow it helps.
Let me know how it all shakes out.
Jul
Kim-
ReplyDeleteReading your post I can FEEL your frustration, anger, pain and confusion. I am sorry you are going through this.
It does seem at times that we are given way more than we can handle...more than we feel we can handle at least.
I haven't had many conversations with God lately (seems you and I both must have an out of date phone number for Him), but I will be praying for you and your family.
hMM - Sounds like there's been even more crap going on in your life than I realized. I'm sorry to hear it. I'll be praying for you. Give me a call sometime and I'll listen . . .
ReplyDeleteI often ask myself "who makes these rules? who decides what crap happens to who? and why do some people seem to live charmed lives? What else can I do? When is it my or our turn?" The list goes on and on, and like you I see no sense in it a lot of the time.
ReplyDeleteBut then I think about some of the things that have happened in our lives and I realize that the larger challenges always seem to go to the people who God knows can handle them. The ones he knows will have faith. The folks he knows will find a way to persevere.
I know you're thinking, but I don't want to persevere Jim, and I feel that, but this is when you reach down and you look around to find a way to help yourself and a way for your friends, that's me - to help too.
You'll get through this new challenge stronger for the experience, and better for the next challenge or maybe somebody else's next challenge - and somehow it will all make sense.
Sometimes having faith sucks, but the payoff is more than worth it.
Your friends are here thinking about you and praying for you and if you need anything all you have to do is ask.
I hope you find peace.